Reality.
Which one?
My reality? yours? his?
... Ultimate reality?
Let's start with MY REALITY. I started a sabbatical year. A year that I dreamed about for years and when it comes it is quite different that the one I imagined... you can guess!
First of all, I discovered a new country - Canada. Of course it is not the one I would have chosen, but my heart was strongly beating and brought me here. I am not deceived - sweet love, nice family, nice neighbors, the ones who bring me a whole fridge of homemade vegetarian food- my favorite! the ones who bring me homemade whole bread that I appreciate specially with Julie's raspberries jam, the ones who take me for bicycle ride, with the bicycle they offered me, the ones who take me for a movie night... My heart is singing thank you and is beating even more now.
You may think that I may forget the purpose of my trip! Not at all. To be in good shape and start my day with dynamism, I do half an hour of belly exercises and stretching. Then when my cooking class allows me... I go for a Tai Chi session in Benny Park, the one that is near Cavendish, you see I already learned the names of streets.
The park is the domain of dogs and dogs watchers walking with hands full of plastic bags and with a very desinvolte look, like nobody would notice that they take a walk to collect "poo"... Anyway the dogs have fun, specially the very big and funny one full of black long hair who came next to me, not for a doggy hug as I thought, but to stole my little bag with the house key. Did you ever see a dog watcher and a Tai Chi practitioner running after a dog? That's the best way to entertain a dog!
Anyway the park is fun but full of little thunder flies, entering your nose during Qigong breathing exercises, full of beggars, not the same than in Nepal, these ones are looking in the dust bin, not for the poo in the plastics left by the previous ones, but looking for empty metal cans. Yes you can have 5 cents per can. The last kind of beggars are just lost city beggars. They live around with a super market trolley and seem to rehearse for the African Music festival, but here in Benny Park, there is no audience, only Tai Chi practitioner who is supposed to be very well focused. Sometimes I must admit that I would like to switch to some cool and relax African dance.
OK, that is a good beginning of the day, back to the flat, I spend a while in the bathroom, this episode I will not describe it, because it is similar everywhere in the world and is not specific to Canada. Anyway here it is a country where you have water, a lot of water and no need to pay for it. It is a real effort of consciousness to save it and to remember that in some other places you wash your whole body with a small bucket of water pumped so deep deep deep in the underground of Bansbari in Kathmandu.
COOKING FOR GILLES
Now I am ready for my cooking class, I don't know if you ever used "Ginette", the editor is Albin Michel and there are constantly new editions coming out for people like me who didn't cook for 25 years. You may think about it for a Christmas gift to somebody you love in your family and who is not confident with cooking yet! Just like me!
Anyway for Gilles I can concentrate only on the soup chapter. Easy and never frustrating because most of my soups are finishing in the freezer anyway as Gilles' appetite is very limited. His taste is also changing, so never mind about the quality of each of my new essays. This is very convenient, I have no stress at all about my new activity. One thing is sure is that after another month like that in my life, I will never be able to eat soup again myself! I am completely saturated, and I suppose Gilles too! So if you like we can organize a big autumn soup party and we will taste all the soups from the freezer together!
FREQUENT HOSPITAL VISITS
Well then, when everything is ready I drive the car to the hospital, One street, Sherbrooke, 42 traffic lights and after Mc Gill University I turn right, this makes 3,686 traffic lights in six weeks. The rest of the day is at "Royal Vic" as they say. It is the hospital attached to McGill University. It is located on Mount Royal and this is very nice with green walks to take all around for a break. I did only once! The universe of sickness, pain, sadness and fears starts right at the gate. Like every hospital in the world, you would like to visit only the maternity section, with people full of tenderness, flowers and teddy bears.
Families and patients have in my view all the same eyes and the same lost sight. Why sickness? Why me? ...etc. Every case brings us back to the human status that we cannot escape, we are born human, and our life goes with the joys and sufferings of human beings. The mental and emotional work on acceptance of bad and good as it comes, of joy for what we had and what we have, of contentment for those who can enjoy health, recovery and happiness; and finally the work on compassion and love for those who have to travel on the hard path of sickness and pain, all those thoughts are there to make us grow, to make us strong and tender, to make us happy whatever happens.
So thanks to Gilles, I am growing in his company. Thanks to doctors and nurses and staff all around dedicating their knowledge, their care, their talent with the mindfulness of doing an important work. Their beauty is in their motivation and consciousness of their work and I can tell you that some of them have a real talent, a beautiful heart, and a smile making miracles.
GILLES' REALITY
I would like to interrupt here my flow to start talking about Gilles' reality. HIS REALITY. How can I pretend to know his reality? I don't pretend, I just assume and you will agree on that.
6 weeks of hospital (for the second round), night and day, day and night. But on this same floor some people are here for several months. Just one instant of this reality should bring our feeling of compassion to our best.
When I took Gilles and his partner - the rolling medicine pole to an short visit outside on the terrasse after 5 weeks, he was literally eating the air, with the mouth widely open. Breathing the air, watching the sky, such an exceptional pleasure and deep feeling. Are we enough conscious and mindful of the air we are breathing every moment? Enjoy, it is just available to you at every second. I am watching Gilles and I am learning to appreciate.
6 weeks of hospital with your whole body shrinking under the effects of chemo. Suddenly in at the time of the total weakness, the rebirth, the Anne's gift, the possibility of still being, of still living, of still enjoying. And I am sitting there , I admire and I am learning. In order to live, a lesson of patience, of acceptance, of battle, of effort, of let-it-go, of hope.
May I state that Gilles is a gentleman in the sickness. No complains, not even once. Several days were, with no expressions, no words, lips swollen and burned, rash on the skin, the whole digestive track burned, infected from one side to the other, the mental mind eaten by medicines. Mentally he was searching things in IKEA with Julie, in trouble with his medicine trolley, his hospital bed rolling full speed on Cavendish and the trouble to activate the breaks with the feet, knots to screw, fingers moving in the air to find out and touch the REALITY. Checking what is the reality, this strange sensation of not being sure who can see reality. World of dreams and hallucinations taking place in the phenomenology.
NEW BLOOD
Then suddenly, one day, all the aligned zeros of the blood formula started to change 0,01, 0,04....0,1. 0,16..., a paper full of small numbers every day a little higher, until one day, the doctor said "the transplant works and the cells start their activity". Good new blood! Thanks to Anne, thanks to Gilles, here we are with a new Gillanne and a new blood formula!
The reality of Gilles back home wasn't easy. The mind is left in the solitude of calm. No more the agitation of the medical staff, no more hospital routines. What you have in your day is what you create. When you have limitations and no energy, and your mental is active, it is not easy. But we proceeded with small challenges at a time. It is now a month and a half that Gilles is out of the hospital and joy is back in the every day life. Gilles' jokes are popping out. Meditation, Qigong, stretching, cooking, cleaning windows before the winter, the preparation of the studio, driving, walking in the park in the fall, each activity takes its place in the life with enthusiasm. We wanted to test a daily life together and it's fantastic, we have daily routine from morning till evening everyday!
In terms of health, medicines, sleeping tablets, anti-fungus...started to be reduced. The next step in the protocol is a new biopsy of the marrow, 100 days after the transplant, to better see how the stem cells behave. In the next 3 weeks with the decrease of medication, the injection of magnesium will not be necessary anymore, they will be able to remove the pick-line that is still in his arm.
Good news. Doctors recommend no airplane travels and no long distance from an hospital for the moment and till February.
LIFE GOES ON
I take the time with this long mail to give you some news from Jonathan and Kim as well. Jonathan succeeded with all the courses in which he had some trouble and is now in his 3rd year of physiotherapy. He is doing his internship and is developing his talents with enthusiasm. Jonathan welcomed Kim in his flat and they live happy and tender student days together.
Kim, after her sabbatical year in China, Equator and Spain started her studies in International Relations at the Vesalius College. She is doing very well.
Now I finally sent this mail, so you will have some news from me and from Gilles' recovery. It is the kind of message that never ends, so I will not review it and send it as it is.
For the ULTIMATE REALITY, I will let you the chance to discover and travel it by yourself.
Love and hugs,
Nicole
